Am I an Atheist...please answer!!!?

Okay so ever since I was a little kid I've been surrounded by family members who worship god. I'm a methodist, but I feel like I'm being cheated out of something. I say the prayers and sing the songs, but I don't FEEL anything. I feel no Relief when praying, and I only do it in front of people that I know will approve of it. But: When I'm in a stressful situation ( like I've lost my cell phone or whatever) I tend to ask god for help finding it. I don't think that I actually am praying because I believe... more out of desperation. And I don't believe in Jesus really, but I like the morals of Christianity. God does not control my actions or thoughts at all, and I don't feel as though "he" is watching over me all the time. I guess I'm just wondering what is wrong with me, because I WANT to believe so badly, but I can't. Please don't give me anything that has to do with bible Scriptures or anything, because I'll ignore those. I'm just a twelve year old girl whose confused and needs some help. :( (by the way, I do sorta believe in heaven, but not hell. I just think the "bad" spirits just sorta disappear) HELP ME?